Like many people who are having marriage problems, she reported that her relationship was suffering from poor communication, financial stress, little intimacy and kindness, and virtually no sex.

In addition, she reported that she had had an affair many years ago and she suspected that her husband had some involvement with another woman in the past.

During an initial interview, therapists usually gather information about the patient’s age, previous history of therapy, education, physical symptoms, medications, family background, hobbies, relationships, vocation, and his or her psychological strengths and weaknesses.

In order to accumulate these data, we ask a number of questions. The answers to these questions help us develop a diagnosis for the person and a treatment plan to help them to solve their problems and to feel well.

When a person comes into to see me regarding a marital problem or a relationship problem, there are several questions that are very telling about the status of their situation and their feelings about their partner.

Do you love your partner?

The woman seeing me remarked, "Dr. Granat, I was afraid you were going to ask me that one." I explained that sometimes I have to ask tough questions to do my job and to help people.

If a person does not feel that they love their spouse, there is obviously some question as to whether the relationship can be repaired and whether or not it is viable.

Is the love you fee healthy?

This question assumes that the person has said they love their spouse. For many patients, this is a difficult issue, since some of them do not really know what healthy love is.

In other words, they don’t have a frame of reference for what a healthy relationship is really like. Patients who cannot distinguish a healthy love from a sick love usually have a history of being in bad relationships.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this person?

This usually gets a person to seriously consider how they feel about coexisting with their companion. This is another vital question for an individual or couple who are in therapy.

If you are unhappy in your marriage, you may want to ask yourself these tough, but revealing, kinds of questions.

If you don’t like the answers, your marriage may be in trouble and you might benefit from some counseling.